I don’t know if y’all are social media butterflies or not. . .
But, on TikTok there’s this trend. It says “What were the words that broke you?” Then you write what people said to you and how you proved them wrong.
Typically, it’s a kid who was bullied for being small or fat and then it shows them all fit and muscular.
Sometimes it’s the death of a loved one. . .
Anyway, the point is that I have heard my phrase today and I’ll never be the same again.
I Snap called my friend who happens to be my little sister’s best friend as well. It’s her birthday and we talked for a bit, but as the call continued we played around with the Snap filters.
I see my little sister beside her, and Glory (my sister) starts throwing jabs at me, saying that this is HER trip and that it was to get away from me.
Now, keep in mind that this is minutes after I get a video from Glory’s friend’s mom saying how much Glory misses me and my other sister.
(Glory has been on vacation with my mom in Texas for that past week.)
And I take the blows up until Glory says, “She’s just being FAKE! SHE’S JUST A FAKE PERSON!” Glory’s friend tries to defend me but the damage has been done. Not just my other friends were listening but several other people I respect and love as well. . .
And, they all heard that I was trying to be fake because I use Snap filters on my photos. Yep.
This is the family I know and love.
With that being said, the phrase that broke me was, “She’s a fake.”
Thank you, Glory. Thank you for just making me feel even more insecure about myself and from now on, I will never forget what you said or how I will change myself because of your words.
I hope your anger will subside one day, but until it does, I won’t be the same person you once knew. Grace is gone. And it’s your fault.
So, from now on, I am going to take a pause from posting on social media; I won’t quit posting here just because it’s therapeutic.
And, I will also become the recluse my little sister expects of me.
Is anyone else emotionally distraught about two fictional characters choosing to make idiotic mistakes?!
Well I am!
Guys, there’s something about me. . . Maybe it’s because I’m a girl. Maybe it’s because I’m lonely. I don’t know, but whenever I watch or read something and there’s members A and B in a couple and they DELIBERATELY CHOOSE the wrong person AGAIN AND AGAIN, I literally get so worked up!
And I’m like, “Grace, this is a cartoon. Just chill. They aren’t even real!”
I’ve been thinking. . .
I’ve changed so much since childhood and no one but myself can fully understand what I’m going through. . .
I remember having no filter, no remorse, no bit to bite on to prevent myself from saying foolish things.
I remember my siblings hating me and I remember the exact moment when I wanted to change myself. It was when I literally didn’t make physical constant with my older sister (we were 11 and 10 then) but she still gave me a disgusting glance as if it repulsed her that I was in her presence.
I was trying to help her clean; I remember that because the house smelt like freshly vacuumed carpet. The room was lit up by sunlight and our grand living room lights. It was slightly stuffy but not quite unbearably hot yet, so I know it was early summer and around mid day.
That was when I knew I wanted to change so that I wouldn’t be labeled as unwanted, hideous, repulsive. . .
Little did I know how hard it is to gain trust and favor.
It wasn’t until three years later when my parents moved our family across the nation that I was given a fresh start.
I’ve been battling depression, axiety, and forms of anorexia ever since. . .
But now, I have a good reputation. I’m responsible, reliable, trustworthy. My parents seem to enjoy my company. I can’t lie to save the life of me. I choose family over work and faith over family.
And something that my family doesn’t know is that I care; I care about things I shouldn’t care about. I have this stupid feeling of inadequacy hanging above my head, weighing down my shoulders.
I can’t help but care about people no matter who they are or what they are. . .
I think I turned out decent, but the cost I paid for decency has shattered my body. As I write this now, tears blur my vision because I’ve been crying over a TV drama. . .
The plot line is so intense that it has made me lose faith in the human race.
Guys, this guy marries this girl to fulfill a promise made 3 generations before. He gets jealous when his cousin hugs his wife even though he has repeatedly kissed, hugged, invited, hung out with this other girl, his ex, and I’m about to LOSE MY MIND!!!
IT’S A TV SHOW!!! But I can’t help but feel that it’s giving me a glimpse and taste of the real world. . .
Does true love even exist?
Anyway, needless to say that I’m gonna need a day to myself to reflect and glue the pieces to my broken heart back together because I am SHOOK.
Good night y’all.
Thank you for listening to my midnight thoughts and hormonal emotions.
Between balancing a job, a college workload, family life, writing novels, and physical health, I have been too busy to realize that I have been depriving myself of the one thing that kept me together through my struggle with mental health. . .
Have you guys ever tried to live without peace in your life? Let me tell you, it’s draining to put it lightly.
As I sit here, writing this, people watch me with a stern eye, judging me for being on my phone when I should be socializing with the people around me. But, what they don’t understand is that what I’m doing is testifying truth to y’all.
I’m an insignificant piece of dust when you glance at the grand scheme of life, but this blog, this desire to write and live has broadened my world and my audience, making this little piece of dust a bit bigger and a bit brighter. . .
So, back to the topic of peace. . .
I have found one and only ONE way to receive peace. This is just my take on it, and everyone is different so just keep an open mind on what I’m about to say.
I attend a VERY unorthodox church.
We dance, we flag, we pray in tongues, we follow Torah, we are extreme in many different ways, but that’s what makes us unique, so some aspects of my experience with church maybe foreign to y’all.
You know how you would have to fight to keep your eyes open during a sermon or worship service?
Remember how your parents would give you the stink eye if you start to dose off?
I can remember my parents actually PUNISHING me when I fell asleep!
Well, after nearly killing myself by trying to do WAY TOO MUCH at once, I found a solution to the stigma of sleeping in church and me craving peace in my life.
Yes, I am suggesting that you SHOULD sleep in church. Maybe not during the sermon, but defintely during the worship service, and here’s why. . .
Just take a moment to think about it.
If you sleep during the service, there is nothing distracting you. No one is cracking jokes to make you laugh, turning your heart from God. You aren’t planning out what you and your bestie are going to be doing after church. You aren’t thinking those random thoughts that seem to just pop into your head.
Your heart is silent.
Your mind is silent.
You are silent.
No one and nothing is able to reach you. . . Except for God.
You are His and He is able to surround you with His peace. . .
Do you know reassuring and refreshing that is?!
I have spent day after day, week after week, year after year suffering from and barely surviving panic attacks, mental breakdowns, insomnia, peer pressure, society’s perfect body, family’s hurtful comments, but now. . . In this hour or so of worship, I forget about ALL of that; it disappears and it is lifted from my shoulders.
And I have peace.
So, the next time my parents attack me for sleeping in church, I won’t retaliate with excuses because I know the truth.
That hour of sleep is my time with God and even if it is only for an hour and only for my personal gain, I need it to survive.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
If you see me in person one day, you’ll see a “moderately fit” girl, who wears makeup, has a job, goes to college, shows up to church, attends family gatherings, drives her sisters to the movies, the pool, Dutch Bros, but I am dying on the inside 90% of the time. I seem to have it all together, but I’m just as broken as the next person. . .
All I can hold onto is the hope that I can have a moment of peace at the end of the week.
Thank y’all for all the love and support after my post from early this morning. I appreciate it GREATLY! 😍😍😍
I am doing well with swollen eyes but a new passion for God!!!
Anyway, I was trying to post this yesterday but I got carried away with other things. 🙄
So, we don’t celebrate Christmas as y’all know, but we celebrate Hanukkah which occurs around the same time as Christmas, but IT’S NOT A REPLACEMENT for CHRISTMAS!!!
My great-grandfather is my pen pal and he’s very dear to me. He sent money to my parents this year to make memories with us. . . He’s SUPER sweet!
So, the day before yesterday, we had a White Elephant gift exchange with a TWIST!
So, my mom bought all the gifts and had dares written out. Before we could pick out a wrapped gift, we had to complete a dare. . .
Ummm. . . Some of them were cruel. 😂
I got two dares that I have pictures from. The first, I had to dress up in toilet paper and take a selfie. And, the second, I had to stick FLAMING HIT CHEETOS IN MY NOSE!!!
The cheetos BURNEDDDDD so BADDDD! But, it was worth it!
We had a fun time. . .
But, I did discover yesterday that Walmart didn’t pierce my ears evenly!!!
Look. . .
Okay, so in the right photo, you can see the decoration that connects the petals together. . . BUTTTT in the left photo, that little connecting piece is covered up by my EARRRR! Which means that either the earring is made wrong or my ear is defective!!!
I’m pretty sure it’s my ear!
So I returned those earrings and got some silver dragonfly earrings instead!
Anyway, the gifts weren’t bad like White Elephant gift exchanges are known to be. 😁
Everything I randomly chose was actually something I enjoyed or needed!
1. Lights to hang in my room!!!
2. A mini water fountain that Alyssa and I DREAMED of getting as kids!
3. My FAVORITE chocolate?!?!
4. TWO different sketch books made from canvas!!!
5. MOVIES because I always want new movies!!!
6. Purple earrings!
7. PURPLE FREAKING EYELINER! Yes, I’m going to wear it to church!!!
So, yeah. I thought I would describe what each picture was. . .
So, that was the booty that I claimed! My sisters ended up with a bunch of candy and makeup and hats and such, but I’m SOOO HAPPY with what I got!!!
I also just wanted to say that I FINALLY released my new novel written from the slave girl’s perspective (I’ve mentioned her and asked advice on its sequel)!
You can check it out on Amazon or head on over to My NOVELS page! I’ll link it there!
Again, thank you for all the comments and love after my “panic attack.” I appreciate it!
I need to be honest with y’all, with what just happened to me. . .
So, remember when I mentioned that I was struggling with anxiety recently and my nightmares were getting worse?
Well, just an hour ago, I was having a “panic attack.”
I wouldn’t call it that, but that’s how you guys might understand what I’m trying to describe to you.
I was on my laptop, trying to figure out how to operate a Hanukkah gift I received a few hours ago, when I suddenly felt frightened and anxious and mournful all at once.
I didn’t know what was happening, but I felt exhausted; I began to silently weep violently on my bed with my sisters in the other room.
(No one in my family knows this happened, but my swollen eyes can testify to my account. I KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENED, although it feels like a dream.)
I don’t remember much of what actually happened, except that I couldn’t stop crying and I felt desperate and alone as if I was about to die again. . .
(The other night, I “knew” I was going to die in my sleep. I was TERRIFIED that night that I wasn’t going to wake up the next morning. I even got my heart right with God, and prayed for my mom one last time. . . But, I woke up the next morning.)
As this sudden fear consumed my entire body, I managed to type down all that I felt and experienced because I happened to have a Google Document open when this transition from searching on Google to a full-out panic attack happened (in a span of ten seconds).
Here’s what I typed. . .
(And, before you ask, YES, apparently I wrote it like a story because that’s my personality even when I lose control over my body. I know some people will think this is fake or concocted, but this HONEST TO GOODNESS happened to me, and I want others to know how this encounter changed my life.)
Here’s what I wrote down. . . (Literally, the “a single tear escapes. . .” and all that. I copied and pasted this into my post. THIS IS LEGIT WHAT I TYPED. Anything in parenthesis is just to help explain some concepts to you guys.)
A single tear escapes my eye before another follows pursuit. Why am I crying?! Why do I feel overwhelmed? What is wrong with me?! What is going on?!?! I’m perfectly fine, so why do I suddenly feel overwhelmed? Please. . . Aba! (Aba means “Daddy” in Hebrew and is often how I refer to God in my mental prayers, like when I say a prayer in my head.) Please stop this!!! Why do I feel this way! Daddy, make it stop! Make this anxiety go away—WHY? Just why??? I was so strong before; I was coping with the stress, the mess of a life I have, the pain. . . Why do I feel heavy and depressed and saddened? This shouldn’t happen anymore!!! My God, my God, where are you?! Why am I blubbering like a baby?! Why are you letting me cry in this dark place?(Mentally it was dark; my room was actually lit up with multiple light sources.) Why do I feel exhausted and desperate and spirit-less. . . What is going on with me? Please, MAKE IT STOP! I feel pain! Why, do I feel it all of a sudden? Has it been building up all this time? I can’t even see a foot in front of me because my eyes are clouding my sight. Please, Aba. Please, make this mournful grief cease. Please, I want your peace. I want to feel well again—If it was the chocolate I ate this night, I’ll quit eating it. I’ll eat to live, instead of eating for comfort. . . My strange and overwhelming panic attack subsides. What just happened? Why did my body freak out? God, please don’t allow my body to do that again. I felt alone, so alone. I felt like I was dying. . . Again. Why does this sudden fear keep returning to my mind? Why is it controlling my dreams and thoughts? Please, don’t make me suffer again! Please, protect me, Daddy! Please don’t part from me again. . .
I shake my head as I begin to tremble again with tears beginning to build up in my eyes. My bottom lip quivers as my salty tears streak down my face until they run into my open mouth. Another wave hits me. What is happening to me? Is this a panic attack? I had one last summer, but I slept through most of it then. . . I don’t remember much about what happened. . . I can’t speak. All I can do is silently cry to myself and breathe heavily as I try to release my pain from all that has happened. Please, God, take this from me. I don’t like this feeling. I can’t BARE this feeling of rejection, abandonment, fear, loneliness, pain. . . What is this that has taken control over my body? Why are you allowing this to happen to your child? I may not be the most devout child, but I do try to live a moral life. . . I pray, I show up to Shabbat, I don’t murder, I don’t lie—intentionally—I know I haven’t necessarily read the Bible in a while, but I am your child, and I like to learn about you. . . So, why are you doing this to me? Is this your way of getting my attention??? My eyes cease to pour their bitter tears. My heart ceases its pounding rhythm. My tremors and headache and anxiety cease to exist. What was that?! Was that a panic attack, or was that a sign from my Aba to get my life back on track?
Aba, guide me in the life I’m supposed to lead. Aba, if I’m supposed to become a devout person, an obedient child, bring the tremors back and the anxiety and the pain and frustration, so that I may know what to do. If you SHOW me just once more, I will do as I have said. If you overwhelm and take control of my body again, I will become the child I’m supposed to be. Instantly, the tears fog my eyes. The snotty nose (I was writing this in the moment, so this sentence sounds weird, but I’m not going to change it because I wrote it during my wake up call.) and despair fill up my already broken heart. Okay, Daddy. Okay. I’ll do it! This instant, I vow to live out my faith. I vow to be the servant of God I talk of when people ask me about my faith. The obnoxious sensation leaves my being. I become quiet again. My body becomes quiet. The noises and sounds the desperation caused flee my body, and I’m now silent. I will do as I have promised, Aba. . . No more shallow obedience, shallow faith. I will become the person I used to be, the person worthy of leading my family, my children (Again, this was in the moment; I’m not pregnant or anything.), my friends. . . I get up from place.
I am telling y’all EXACTLY wat happened to me. . . So, I threw my laptop off of my lap and started vigorously seraching my room for my BIG NIV study Bible. . .
I hadn’t even noticed that it was missing from my room since. . . when my friends from Texas visited us. That’s sad. 😣 And, I’m ashamed to admit it.
I spent ten minutes searching for it before settling on my nine-year-old beaten up NIV pocket-sized Bible I carry with me wherever I go.
I immediately opened it up and found an orange sticky note I had left in my Bible when I was a Junior in High School, taking notes for my Worship class test.
Instantly, I looked up those verses to discover this. . .
I read the 1 Corinthians passage first. I read still moved by the weird and passionate encounter I just had. . . Then I read verse 33; “God is not a God of disorder.”
I laughed self-consciously, because in those ten minutes of chaos and tears I would’ve disagreed.
Then I continued to read the scripture until I came upon the line, “Anyone who does not recognize that, will not be recognized.”
Now, this is Paul talking about “proper worship.” He was talking about tongues and then right before this verse, he was talking about women speaking out against their husbands during church. But, THEN he mentions the gifts of God and how they are GIFTS and how they should not be hindered by other people. That just hit home for me. . .
Then, I moved on to the Ecclesiastes passage. . .
Guys, I was searching in the New Testament for a good two minutes before I realized I DON’T know my Bible that well; Ecclesiastes is in the Old Testament. ☹😟
I found it, and I began to read. Then I teared up as I read, “There’s a time to cry, and there’s a time to laugh. There’s a time to be sad, and there’s a time to dance.”
And, THAT is what I did. God, was letting me cry and letting me be sad, because it was my time. . .
Just so y’all know, the only other time I had cried so HARD as this was when I found out that my mom was diagnosed with a fatal Cancer. Nothing else has EVER made me cry so passionately, so heartfelt, so violently that my body trembled from each sob before. . . 😢
So, now, I’m going to do something about my life.
I’m no longer going to be that Christian girl that just goes to youth, goes to church, reads her Bible occassionally. NO SIREE!!!
I made a vow to God, unconsciously, when I was in the middle of weeping for my faith, yes, but it was a promise nevertheless, so I will honor it!
From now on, I’m going to walk the walk instead of talk the talk!
So, you start off by painting a canvas of any size.
I did mine black, but my sisters did their’s white.
Then, you mix acrylic paint with a paint thinner so that the paint is nice an runny and so that it moves easily.
But, you have to get the proportions right, otherwise the painting will crack, like mine. ☹
I didn’t know what the exact measurements were, but I know that when you mix the paint with the paint thinner, it’s supposed to run like “warm honey.” Maybe that means something to you; I’ve never personally seen warn honey drip, so I was lost.
Anyway, so you make sure the paint mixture runs like “warm honey,” then you just start pouring the paint mixture all over the canvas.
You can blow on it to move the paint, you can marble it with a stick, you can tilt the painting itself so that the paint moves and convers the entire canvas. Whatever you want to do!
Then, if you want to get technical or just add cool patterns in your painting, you can add Silicon drops, which will make “cells” in your painting, but you have to premix those into each individual color before you pour the paint onto the canvas.
(That’s what made the bubble-looking holes in the rainbow and black painting, as well as the black,pink, red, and green painting and the metallic bubble painting.)
Mine, really didn’t work so well, but my mom’s did!
ANYWAY, we had fun! It was relaxing. . .
Mine are the purple and blue splattered paintings! 😊
I’ve had some intense anxiety recently, so this REALLY helped me out the past two days! I’d DEFINITELY recommend it!
But, I need to first say that I will no longer be posting on Saturdays because I feel convicted about “working” on Sabbath. Saturday is supposed to be set apart, so if I blog every day of the week, I don’t think I should do ALSO blog of Sabbath.
I don’t exercise on Saturday either because I do that EVERY day. . .
Anyway, there’s that.
So, yesterday afternoon was the THIRD day of Hanukkah.
(Thursday evening to Friday evening was Day 1. Friday evening to Saturday evening was Day 2. Saturday evening to Sunday evening was Day 3. It’s confusing, I know.)
So, during Hanukkah, it’s tradition to eat fried foods, so my parents went out and bought donuts for us, but there was a twist. . .
They hung them up with string and said that we couldn’t use our hands to get them.
IT WAS AWESOME!!!
Sooo. . .
I’m going to be dead honest with you guys.
As a a girl and since the eighth grade, I have ALWAYS been self conscious about my boobs. And, the crazy thing is, I’m self conscious about having bigger boobs than my sisters and mom. I always have been. . .
But, I did find one good use for them. . .
This was the only moment I was glad I had them!!!
Anyway, so that happened. 🤣
So, after all that, we also opened our Hanukkah gifts, but I’ll tell you about that tomorrow. . .
If I HAVE NEVER TOLD Y’ALL about my FAVORITE band, it’s For King and Country, and I’m OBSESSED with them!!!
(No, they aren’t a country band. . . They are a contemporary pop Christian band! Their newest song is Together, and you’ve probably heard God Only Knowsor Burn the Ships. They stand for modern day chivalry, and the fact that women are precious and should be valued and respected. Priceless. That’s the song that really defines this aspect to their band. Maybe in the future, I’ll tell you about hoe I first heard about them. 😊)
Okay, so last night, my “aunt”—She’s not my real aunt—told me about this Christmas concert-like performanceThe Chosen was hosting LIVE. (For King and Country was featured in it, so that’s why I mentioned them. 😊)
IT WAS AMAZING! 😍😍😍
And, if y’all don’t know what The Chosenis, or you haven’t SEEN it, here’s a link with all the episodes for FREE!
So, VidAngel has them for free so that everyone can watch them! You can also donate to help “pay it forward” so others can watch them.
It’s pretty cool!
Okay, now I have to tell you about my new commitment.
So, yesterday, I noticed that even after put makeup on my face acne wasn’t being covered up. . . So, for the next two weeks I am ELIMINATING everything in my diet that has bread, sugar, or meat in it. Yep. . . Yay. 🙄😣
I know that it’s going to help, and that’s all the motivation I need.
I just want to update y’all on my personal life before I start this post.
So, I woke up with a headache this morning after feeling sick last night. I didn’t each much yesterday so that might be why. . . Today and tomorrow I’m not eating at ALL, so, please pray for my health!
Finals are over, though!
I’m happy about that! 😊
Okay, now back to my post. . .
So, I have learned that dreams can be affected by our personal lives.
(If you don’t dream at night, you should go to bed early, read your Bible right before you fall asleep, and pray for God to give you one. It WORKS!!!)
Okay, so before I went to bed last night, I was proofreading my friend’s novel with her. Her novel is about a Princess in captivity who becomes a slave for a foreign kingdom.
The beginning of my dream started with a slave girl (who was a wealthy daughter of the land, disguised as a slave) working in a courtyard-like area filled with piles of harvested hay.
Constantly in my friend’s novel, the slave girl was pitching hay into horse stalls.
(Okay, that’s all I’m going to say about her novel, because it isn’t published yet, but she has the first chapter available on her blog. 😊 When it does get published, I TOTALLY recommend it!)
Okay, so the dream goes on and this slave girl is working with the other slaves, trying to keep everyone’s spirits raised as they do the hard labor.
Then the slave girl’s double in life—Dang, Alyssa just told me what that word is; what was it? Oh, I remember! Doppelganger.
So, the doppelganger has been sleeping with the Prince and somehow the slave girl is talked into sleeping with Prince instead of doppelganger for just one night.
Well. . .
The slave girl gets pregnant. And, she goes back to her normal life as a wealthy daughter after her father rescued her from her slave-life.
So. . .
When the family finds out that the daughter is pregnant, they become very protective of her. She is assigned a royal attendant (who was disgustingly ugly in my dream🙄), and a “body guard” in sense (who just happened to be the love of her life) to stay with her at all times.
GUYS!!! THIS IS A DREAMMMMM.
NOT a book!
So, eventually she let’s it slip that the baby is the Prince’s child. And, he says, “Kill it,” in such a casual manner that my stomach twisted in my sleep.
Well, the daughter isn’t having any of that, so she constantly tries to runaway from home, but her body guard and attendant always stop her before she can actually get away.
Then, her father finally gets her on the table to have the abortion. (Her father and grandfather are doctors/surgeons, by the way.)
And, because this is a dream, it wasn’t graphic or anything.
He girl’s stomach was literally cut open and I could see a baby. That’s it, no blood, no guts.
But, when the father tries to takes the baby out, I literally watch him (the baby) turn yellow with weird, crusty bumps all over his skin.
It was dying in the stomach, but it was also killing the girl, so the father stopped the “abortion.”
Then, she wakes up (because they put her under) and she continues her daily escapes while the body guard keeps her from running away.
Eventually, the daughter and body guard confess their love for one another. . .
But. . .
Then the dream focuses on the father and grandfather. They’re outside at night discussing everything they discovered in the girl when they attempted the abortion.
The grandfather tells the father that he found Cancer in the daughter. Then he started listing off just about every Cancer imaginable. . . The father already knew that his daughter had Cancer.
(Okay, now flashback to my life. So, I don’t think about Cancer. I hate the very word since my mom was diagnose with Ampullary Cancer. But, last night, a woman who makes jewelry locally, made me, my sisters, and my mom matching Cancer ribbon necklaces! So, that’s how Cancer got into my dream.)
Then, the dream backs up a little bit so that I see the grandfather running outside in the dark, without the father present. He’s searching for a symbol on the stones lining the flower beds. Then, he finds the stone he’s looking for.
There on a stone has an image of a taco (Yes, the Mexican dish.) and the word “TACOS.”
So, apparently the body guard’s first name is Tacos, so the grandfather now knows about the daughter’s crush on her body guard.
(Okay, so you are not going to believe this, but at youth last night, we were playing Family Feud. One of the leaders kept lifting signs that said different things as if we were on a live TV show. So, the signs said applause, boo, dance, dab, spicy, and TACOS!!! Literally, Glory can vouch for me! So, that is how tacos entered my dream. 🤣🙄😏)
Then my dream ended just like that!
So, after one night’s influence, I have three different aspects from my personal life that entered my dream unconsciously.
1. The slave girl from my friend’s novel.
2. Cancer from the Cancer ribbon necklace I recieved just last night.
3. Tacos from youth group!
I just thought this was SOOOO interesting how a person’s life can affect their dreams!!!
I also learned today that I ALWAYS dream in story plots. . . 😂😂😂 Maybe that’s where I get such crazy plotlines for my novels!
Anyway, I just wanted to share my dream with y’all!
So, yesterday my sisters and I went into town with my mom, and we literally spent the ENTIRE day in town, which was fun!!!
But, while we were driving around, running errands, I started telling them about all of the “stuff” I’ve committed to in the past few months. . .
I am apart of two different churches.
At one, I am apart of the leadership for the youth, which means that run the little Bible study for the girls on Wednesday nights with the other two women leaders.
At the other, I am the official “scribe,” which means that I write down all the miracles, testimonies, healings, and deliverances that happen during our 7 hour church service/Bible study day. (And at this church, I’m also apart of a Bible study on Thursday nights!)
I am maintaining our household chores.
cleaning dishes, washing and drying laundry, trash removals, deep cleaning, normal spot cleaning, sweeping and mopping once a week
(And, I’m kind of a clean freak, so my room typically needs to be clean too.)
I am a FULL time student in college.
I am taking a Rhetorical Thinking course, a Writing course, and a College Success course. (Finals actually end today, so that will get knocked off my list for a month 😁)
I have writing commitments.
I post on my blog every day if not twice a day 😏
I write letters to my great-grandfather on a weekly basis
I am currently writing three of my own novels and editing them, as well as editing one of my friend’s novel. (Which I’m totally enjoying, by the way!)
I have “healthy” habits.
I exercise for at least an hour a day to lose weight/maintain a good amount of weight.
I spend a good portion of my time making healthy “green” shakes to eat as meals.
(And occasionally, I help out with dinner whenever I’m needed.)
I’m basically a HOUSEWIFE without a husband! But, I still have to pick up after three kids! (My sisters and dad 🙄😊)
I also make myself available to my family and friends, so I’m getting to have fun too!
And, don’t get me wrong; I LOVE everything I do!
I absolutely love to stay busy and active and do the things that I do. . .
But, on top of that I’m expected—not really by my parents, but more by society—to do other things as well, like. . .
getting a job
getting a car
getting a driver’s license
getting a boyfriend
Guys, I have NO TIME for a relationship!
I have barely enough time in the day to remember to feed my pets!!!
And, when I’m just flat out exhausted and cramping and hurting and starving and moody and dirty and disgusting and a blubbering mess, I’m EXPECTED to go on living life with a smile on my face!!!
I’m telling you, the next time I’m scolded by my parents for snapping at the way my little sister is constantly tapping her fingers on the table, I will just print out the list of things that I’m currently doing and have to accomplish in one day, and leave them. . .
Literally, this has happened before and I’m the one that gets in trouble!
I am okay, though. . . until I think about all that I’m doing.
Then, I get stressed out.
And, that leads to drinking at all hours of the day. . .
Which, by the way, I just stalked up for Thursday and Friday!
Oh, hey, did I mention that I fast from all food on Thursday’s and Friday’s?
Well, I do!
I’ll just drink water and a bottle of Kombucha for two days.
Anyway, I just needed to get all of that off of my chest, so that I don’t worry about it until next week, when the whole week resets and I have to do it all over again. 😂🙄