Hi y’all. . .
I’m often reminded of how I choose to live life by my sister.
She’s always asking me if I’ve done my homework or college project. She doesn’t understand that school comes third in my life.
First, my faith.
Family is all I have in this world, so why would I waste the precious moments I have with family doing school work that I can push off until later???
I spent all of my High School years putting family and faith first, and yet, I still got straight A’s. It’s a choice to choose family over school. . .
I’ve been feeling weird lately.
I feel defeated.
For the past few months, the life in me has been draining. I’m physically fine, but mentally. . . I’m not so sure.
In these past months, my family seems to be plagued by a disease. It’s not a physical, tangible disease, but rather an aura or presence that fills our house.
My family’s lives are filled with constant medical appointments whether it’s related to my mom’s Cancer diagnosis, or my sisters’ dentist appointments, pediatrician appointments, dermatology appointments, orthodontist appointments, scoliosis appointments, or WHATEVER is “wrong” with them! It’s just been hanging over my head lately. . .
Because I don’t go to any of these said appointments.
Because I choose to believe that I’m well and perfect just the way I am. . .
Needless to say, I’m left alone with one sister or the other as my mom and a sister go to these appointments.
My dad is at work all day, so when it’s just me and my sister at home, the elder will stay in her room all day making Tik Toks, while the other disappears into her game of Among Us. And then there’s me. . .
I don’t have social media unless you count this blog, and I don’t play video games because they rot my brain.
Both of them are deadly to the mind, because that’s what both of them are used for. They’re just two different ways that one can manipulate their mind into thinking that their utopia actually exists.
When in reality, all they’re doing is distracting you from what you’ll have to face sooner or later. . .
So, I’m left alone mentally most of my days, and physically, but my mental state will determine my fate.
And, I have now contracted this impulse to clean anything in sight. It’s my way to cope with the loneliness and medical disease that linger over our house.
And, when I’m not cleaning, I’m exercising, and when I’m not exercising, I’m writing to escape life and all its problems. . .
I have learned this past year that nothing is definite in life, and yet we treat our lives, our years, our days as if we have a tomorrow, but when in reality, we don’t.
So, I value family and the time we spend together so much more than I value my school life in college.
That’s why I don’t particularly care for gifts or “things” anymore. I cherish memories instead.
Because one true memory with the people you love is more valuable than a billion material gifts. . .
Stay tuned for my next post. . .
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