Hey guys! It has been A WHILE to say the least.
Between balancing a job, a college workload, family life, writing novels, and physical health, I have been too busy to realize that I have been depriving myself of the one thing that kept me together through my struggle with mental health. . .
Have you guys ever tried to live without peace in your life? Let me tell you, it’s draining to put it lightly.
As I sit here, writing this, people watch me with a stern eye, judging me for being on my phone when I should be socializing with the people around me. But, what they don’t understand is that what I’m doing is testifying truth to y’all.
I’m an insignificant piece of dust when you glance at the grand scheme of life, but this blog, this desire to write and live has broadened my world and my audience, making this little piece of dust a bit bigger and a bit brighter. . .
So, back to the topic of peace. . .
I have found one and only ONE way to receive peace. This is just my take on it, and everyone is different so just keep an open mind on what I’m about to say.
I attend a VERY unorthodox church.
We dance, we flag, we pray in tongues, we follow Torah, we are extreme in many different ways, but that’s what makes us unique, so some aspects of my experience with church maybe foreign to y’all.
You know how you would have to fight to keep your eyes open during a sermon or worship service?
Remember how your parents would give you the stink eye if you start to dose off?
I can remember my parents actually PUNISHING me when I fell asleep!
Well, after nearly killing myself by trying to do WAY TOO MUCH at once, I found a solution to the stigma of sleeping in church and me craving peace in my life.
Yes, I am suggesting that you SHOULD sleep in church. Maybe not during the sermon, but defintely during the worship service, and here’s why. . .
Just take a moment to think about it.
If you sleep during the service, there is nothing distracting you. No one is cracking jokes to make you laugh, turning your heart from God. You aren’t planning out what you and your bestie are going to be doing after church. You aren’t thinking those random thoughts that seem to just pop into your head.
Your heart is silent.
Your mind is silent.
You are silent.
No one and nothing is able to reach you. . . Except for God.
You are His and He is able to surround you with His peace. . .
Do you know reassuring and refreshing that is?!
I have spent day after day, week after week, year after year suffering from and barely surviving panic attacks, mental breakdowns, insomnia, peer pressure, society’s perfect body, family’s hurtful comments, but now. . . In this hour or so of worship, I forget about ALL of that; it disappears and it is lifted from my shoulders.
And I have peace.
So, the next time my parents attack me for sleeping in church, I won’t retaliate with excuses because I know the truth.
That hour of sleep is my time with God and even if it is only for an hour and only for my personal gain, I need it to survive.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
If you see me in person one day, you’ll see a “moderately fit” girl, who wears makeup, has a job, goes to college, shows up to church, attends family gatherings, drives her sisters to the movies, the pool, Dutch Bros, but I am dying on the inside 90% of the time. I seem to have it all together, but I’m just as broken as the next person. . .
All I can hold onto is the hope that I can have a moment of peace at the end of the week.
It feels good to be back!!!
Stay tuned for my next post. . .